Time of year for annual checkups
Well it’s that time of year for all of my annual medical check ups.
Usually I don’t linger on the possibilities and I wouldn’t take the time to post about these, but things haven’t been going all that well lately.
As the director of a lung cancer support organization and the facilitator of cancer support groups, we’ve had some not so great news lately in terms of recurrences and progression of cancer.
Recently a caregiver-friend of mine who had been perfectly healthy, had her checkups and mammogram and in a matter of three tests is now dealing with stage 3 breast cancer. Scary stuff right?
I’ve got my OBgyn tests to make sure the cervical cancer hasn’t come back.
I’ve got my mammogram to make sure that the ’suspicious” area of concern from three years ago hasn’t grown and really is “just scar tissue”.
I’ve got my regular medical checkup that tests my blood and sluggish thyroid.
All these tests start next week.
Wish me luck. Hopefully, I won’t need it!
No Mission Trip This year…
The missionaries at the church I attend left for Vietnam today.
It was a moving day as we wished those travelling well and sent them to orphanages and to build clean water systems in these impoverished areas.
I had planned on going to Vietnam this summer. It was a great opportunity for me. You see, I was born in Vietnam.
They called me “an American born abroad” on my birth certificate from the American Embassy. My mom was Vietnamese and my dad was an American sailor. They fell in love, got married, had me. Theirs was a great love story. We all moved back to America when I was just 11 months old.
So Vietnam isn’t my homeland, but it was my mothers. I had learned the language and traditions at the same time I had learned to speak english in America. I am Amerasian.
In 2005, shortly after my dad passed away from cancer, my mom took me to Vietnam. She showed me where I was born in Bienhoa, just outside of Saigon (now Ho Ci Minh City), the military base where my dad worked, the American Embassy and the little cement house where she and my dad lived and began their life together. I didn’t feel like I had gone “home”, but I felt like I had travelled back in time and gotten a glimpse at the life my parents had together then. I was able to see the birthplace of a family.
My mom passed away two years later and I will always treasure that once in a lifetime trip.
Then this January I learned of the mission trips to Vietnam that the church was organizing.
I had to go. I can speak the language! I had been there before! It was a chance for me to make a difference. When my mom died, I thought I’d never go back to Vietnam. Until this opportunity presented itself.
The trip would be almost two weeks long. That’s a long time to be away from my small children, but I had a plan. I arranged day care and spoke to friends about helping my husband get thru those two weeks without me. My husband was in total support too. I could really do this!
Then I learned of another opportunity to make a difference in the global campaign against cancer. It was a global summit held in Dublin Ireland for cancer advocates.
I struggled with the decision of which trip to take. In the end I chose the cancer advocacy trip because cancer advocacy is what I do. It’s my passion. It’s how I dedicate everyday of my life and it was a great opportunity. Also, it was a shorter trip away from my family so I simply shifted the day care arrangements and travel time. I was assured that I would be taking this trip.
I felt terrible backing out of the mission trip to Vietnam but I was confident in my decision. I had been personally invited to apply for the trip to Ireland from someone very reputable in the organization sponsoring the trip. There was never any doubt in my mind that I would be going to Ireland so I cancelled the mission trip to Vietnam.
Last week I received notice that I was NOT going to Ireland after all. Even after the personal invitation and after having been strung along for weeks, the end result was a cold email letting me know I wouldn’t be coming.
I didn’t even warrant a courtesy phone call.
So I had cancelled my mission trip to Vietnam for nothing.
I won’t deny that I was simply devastated. I wasn’t upset that I wasn’t travelling this summer. I was upset at how I was treated and I felt as though I had been mislead. I was hurt that after almost 5 years of supporting this organization as an advocate and volunteer that they had treated me so poorly. I was angry at the sacrifices I had made for nothing.
I gave myself one day to mourn the loss of those opportunities and I decided that I wouldn’t be supporting that cancer organization any longer. I forgive but I can’t forget. Wrong is wrong.
Today the mission group from church left for Vietnam. I prayed for them and I’m happy at the life changing things they will be doing over there.
Next time, I’ll follow my heart and I’ll be going too.
Travel safely missionaries.
Parents get stupid the hotter it gets
In Dallas Texas it’s been at or close to 100 degrees Fahrenheit for a couple of weeks. It’s this time of year that more and more stories appear on the news of children who have died because they were left in a scorching car.
I hesitate to say that these children died- they were murdered. They were murdered by a parent or caregiver who was careless and negligent.
It makes me angry and sad to think that these innocent children lost their lives so needlessly.
Let me just end this tirade by stating to all the stupid parents out there…before you leave your children in the car, end up on the 5 o’clock news for causing the death of your child and possibly end up in prison for negligence…bring your children to me.
It’s obvious that you don’t want them. There are a lot of good people who can care for your children, give them a good and safe home, care for them enough not to leave them in a hot car while they shop or visit friends or do something even seedier.
DON’T leave your kids in the car.
Bring them to me. I’ve got plenty of room and common sense.
“King of Pop”, Michael Jackson, dies at 50
Michael Jackson, pop star, died Thursday June 25, 2009 of cardiac arrest at the age of 50.
The news broke and spread like wildfire Thursday that the “King of Pop” had died. One news outlet after the other reported the news to shocked fans and curious listeners.
Where were you when you heard the news that Michael Jackson died? One news broadcaster said that like Elvis Presley, John Lennon and President Kennedy, people would always remember where they were when they heard the news that Michael Jackson, mega-star, had died.
I was in the swimming pool with the kids enjoying the Texas summer sun. The radio had been playing and suddenly the DJ broke thru the scheduled playlist with the news report that TMZ was reporting that Michael Jackson had died and for hours and now days later, the radio played homage to Jackson by playing his music, the TV played his old music videos and clips of his devastated fans.
Today they are dedicating their news segments to disect his life and his estate, his children and the autopsy results. It’s not a story that will be ending soon.
I haven’t been a Michael Jackson fan since the 80s. He was a musical genius there was no doubt. No one had ever danced like he could. He was a mega star to me until the late 80s when things changed. He became “wacko jacko” and a “pervert” and an alleged child molester and while he had never been convicted in a court of law, he had been convicted in my eyes. He had become a reclusive eccentric personality that I never thought much about anymore.
The shock of his sudden death did have an impact on me. I feel sad for his children and his family. I felt a personal loss too…not of a mega star, but of that time in my youth that he was so much a part of. Listening to his music and seeing those old music videos made me think of a time when life was awesome and simple and I was so young and carefree. His death sort of puts a closed door on that period in time for me. That was sad.
After watching some of the news coverage it was hard not to feel nostalgic and sad that Michael Jackson was gone. But like I said, I hadn’t really thought about him in a positive way since the late 80s.
I think the older I get the more I understand the term, “rest in peace.”
Nothing else is supposed to matter except that the spirit of that person rests in peace.
Unless you’re a celebrity or the slightest bit newsworthy.
The media legendized him the minute he died. They built up his character and spotlighted every minute of his celebrity as it changed the music world. He was labelled a pioneer and an incredible person. He was said to be a tortured soul who didn’t have a chance in life to be normal…they made us sad and sorry for him. They made us mourn him more and more with each passing hour.
The next day those same media reports were dissecting his physical disabilities, his mental state and prescription drug use. They compared him to Elvis Presley and tried to place blame on his handlers and those closest to him for his drug use and death.
It makes you wonder if it is still news if it’s hipocracy with every new story angle.
The only broadcaster who didn’t commit hypocrisy was Nancy Grace.
Like everyone else she capitalized on the breaking story, but she prefaced the hour by recapping his latest years. She spoke about the child molestation allegations, the jury members who said they wished they had convicted him and the bizarre life he lead. And she said, matter-of-factly, that those child molestation allegations where now between him and God.
Good for her.
I’m glad I watched that hour of coverage. She put things back into perspective for me. Snapped me out of the media-induced grief.
I’m sorry the King of Pop has died, but I can’t say I’m surprised his life ended the way that it did.
Death of an Angel
Farrah Fawcett died Thursday June 25th 2009 after a valiant battle with anal cancer.
When the story broke I had been working in my office listening to CNN. I can’t say I was shocked by the news that she had passed away, but I was extremely sad that another cancer warrior had lost their battle.
As a cancer patient advocate, I experience the loss of many members, friends and colleagues. It breaks my heart each and every time and it reaffirms my resolve that my job is an important one.
I may not be able to cure cancer, but I offer information, education, support and friendship. I have strong shoulders in which people may lean. I am the listener to those who may not have anyone to talk to. I offer support oftentimes when no one else does. I wish we would have had that when my dad was first diagnosed with cancer. We didn’t have anyone. I promised myself and him and my mom that I would always work to offer support to those who needed it.
With Ms. Fawcett’s documentary of her cancer journey and battle and with her death Thursday, I had hopes that cancer would be on the forefront of the media, at least for a short while. Spotlighting cancer survivors and the cancer fight and the lack of resources and treatment options would be a step forward in the momentum needed to make changes in cancer care and survivorship.
Shortly after absorbing the news that Ms. Fawcett had passed away the media dam broke with the news that pop star Michael Jackson had died of cardiac arrest. It was pandemonium and shock and every news outlet and radio station was scrambing for news and to be the first to break it.
News that Farrah Fawcett had died quickly took a backseat.
I will never forget when a newscaster asked Larry King how he would arrange his show for that night, because he had already planned an hour long special about Farrah Fawcett’s life and death.
He replied that he was doing a two hour special about Michael Jackson instead. His response, “Well, with Farrah it was expected. They were holding a vigil in her hospital room just waiting for her to die. It was a matter of time. No one was surprised by her death. With Michael, it’s a complete shock. The country is in shock and mourning.”
I didn’t tune into Larry King’s two hour special.
I tuned into the coverage of the life, cancer battle and death of an “Angel”
Contemplating Dos and Don’ts of getting older
So my birthday was just a couple of weeks ago and I’m at the point in my life where I’m evaluating this age, my success, my career path and if I’ve been productive enough in my life so far.
The two things I’m most proud of in my life are my two kids. They are the greatest. The most important job I have in my life is to be a good sheppard and parent to them. And I have a saint for a husband that finds my interests and philanthropy and fleeting projects amusing…That said, this evaluation is about me. Just me.
Am I past the age of ripped jeans and trendy tops? Do I move on from a bikini to a tankini or one-piece swim suit? Do I stop listening to alternative music or dance to hip hop, tune down my ipod and trade it all in for jazzy classicals and comfortable shoes?
Is it time to stop the volunteer work and get a “real” job again and focus on building a retirement plan?
Should I be going to bed at 9 instead of staying up until 3am surfing the net and catching up on my DVR recordings and work from the previous day?
My body is definitely slowing down…but my mind races along. There isn’t enough time in the day to do everything I need to do let alone squeeze in the things I WANT to do…so I don’t sleep.
I want it all. But that’s just isn’t possible.
One theory that’s been presented to me is one that highlights my work and personal losses. I’ve lost both parents rather suddenly. I work in cancer support and advocacy and facilitate a cancer support group. There are people I care about dying every week. It’s very very hard emotionally.
So maybe I am living my life in fast-forward because I realize how short our time on earth really is?
It’s a double-edged sword. It’s great to appreciate everything and not take a moment for granted…but it’s exhausting trying to fill each moment with meaning, productivity, love and success….
What’s it mean to get older? How to balance what I have to do with what I want to do? And throwing in a bit of fun in the mix too….
Is it possible?
Buzz Chasers- in Advocacy
I recently heard the term buzz chasers and I knew right away that this described some of the people that I run into occasionally.
In my line of work I dedicate the majority of my day supporting patients and families affected by cancer. It’s what I do. I didn’t choose this, it chose me when my dad was diagnosed and I became his caregiver almost 7 years ago.
One thing led to another and I founded an organization that supports people with lung cancer. A few years later I became a national advocate and I’ve been going full time ever since. It’s what I do. It’s who I am. It’s my passion and a large part of my life.
What I’ve seen time and time again are volunteers who strive to be advocates attending advocacy meetings or advocacy summits. These are decent and kind folks with the best of intentions at the start. But what I’ve seen more and more of over the last couple of years are the same familiar faces who hop from conference to conference. They are buzz chasers. They love the momentum and energy of an advocacy summit. They are people who love the social interaction with other survivors and advocates but when it comes right down to it, they are not producers.
What do they do? What have they accomplished?
I remember my very first advocacy summit years ago. We were asked to produce a personal action plan on how we could aid or increase survivorship in our local area. I took it very seriously. And over time my plan was implemented and it grew arms and legs. It has transformed over the years to meet the needs of my constituency and I’m proud of the work I’ve done and continue to do.
When I attend the meetings, I network. I reach out to other advocates and other organizations and try to collaborate and learn new skills that I can bring back to the LCSC or to my in person group.
I realize I’m not having as much fun as the buzz chasers who make their rounds to all the national conferences. I don’t have the late night dinners or the bottomless drinks. But I’m productive and I’ve made some real connections.
I wonder if these types of participants who call themselves advocates are hindering the work that the rest of us do or are they entertainment to the rest of us who are busy and hard at work?
There are only a limited number of people accepted to attend these conferences and summits. I realize that we need all the help we can get when it comes to the fight against cancer.
I just wonder if they are filling space that could be better utilized by someone more dedicated to making a difference.
I’m just sayin…
Social Media – Some let it all hang out
I’ve got to say the last year on Face Book and Twitter have been highly entertaining. I’ve met several wonderful people in my line of work and in the cancer advocacy community. I’ve been able to keep in constant touch with advocates throughout the country that I had only previously met once at a conference or event and may not have spoken to again for a year or more. I promote my work. I’ve been able to reconnect with old school mates and neighbors and colleagues. For the most part it’s been good.
The best part of FB and Twitter for me is the fact that in a matter of seconds I can update my status and check the status of others, read news updates and promote my work all while stopped at a stoplight on my phone. It’s almost effortless and because I can check from my phone I can use “dead” time (times parked at lights, waiting to pick up children, in the line at the grocery, on hold during a conference call) to manage my space and check in on the rest of my world. It’s fun. It’s easy and it’s efficient.
What I dislike are those users who don’t have a filter when they post their updates and messages. Some are juvenile and childish. Some are outright profane and disgusting.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a conservative who believes folks shouldn’t have opinions or thoughts or be frank. I’m referring to the folks who go overboard and bring drama to a place that isn’t equipped to handle drama.
You can’t really have drama in 140 characters or less. So these folks will throw in a crass word or comment or type a profanity against a race or public figure. These are people who type out a suicide threat to gain the attention of a celebrity. On a smaller scale, it’s poster who is cussing the policeman who gave her a ticket for twittering while driving, or posting a horrible comment about their boss or workplace. Seriously?
FILTER people! It’s a good thing to have.
All of your updates and your thoughts are public for the world to see.
Think about what you’re saying and how you’re saying it. Think about how it makes you sound.
And think about how it can come back to bite you in the ass.
I’m just saying…
Crossroads or mid-life crisis?
Ever wondered what the difference is between being at a crossroads in your life and a mid-life crisis? Are they one in the same? That’s what I’m asking myself.
Recently I’ve caught myself thinking I’ve come to a crossroads in my career. Is this what I want to be doing for the rest of my life? How can I expand my work and move on to do greater things? Should I just do something new altogether? I’m restless and yearning for something more, something new and something more meaningful.
Is this a crossroads or is this a mid-life crisis?
I don’t think of myself as old or even older…not yet anyway. But scientifically mid-life is age 35! And if you go by my people’s lifeline, mid-life for me is about age 30. I’m there. This is my mid-life.
I’m not worried about getting older or looking older. I’m not worried about having a flashy car or the latest toys. I’ve been there and done that. What I do think about; however, is whether or not I’m making the most of my life. Life is short. Am I making my life count?
My parents both died in their sixties. My dad died a year before he was able to retire. He had a lot of plans. He was robbed.
My mother prematurely grieved over the loss of a husband. She spent 3 years doing that until she suddenly died of a stroke. She was robbed.
I was orphaned at 32. I was robbed. Life is short.
So have I come to a crossroads or am I having a mid-life crisis? Am I overly anxious to make an impact in my world because I know how short this life is or do I just not know what I want to do when I “grow up”?
It’s a tough call for sure.
I love what I do and I’m passionate about my work, but it isn’t enough. There’s something more waiting for me.
I’m restless and anxious and ready for whatever is supposed to be next. I just wish I knew what that was.
When your advice comes back and bites you…
I facilitate a cancer support group. There is one fantastic couple I just simply adore who comes to the meetings once a month at the cancer center. They are dynamic and funny and friendly. I like them a lot.
The husband is the cancer survivor. It’s been a year since his surgery and chemo and he’s cancer free and doing well. He’s the epitome of what a survivor should be like. He’s a strong advocate for himself and he helps others. He’s a superman. His wife is a firecracker! She is lovely and outspoken and the life of the room.
A few months ago in our group we touched on the topic that caregivers forget to care for themselves while they are busy caring for the cancer patient and managing the everyday responsibilities of life. I mentioned how extremely important it was to get yearly physicals and make those appointments to keep healthy. The wife had told me she had let those appointments lapse a few years and that she was afraid to go. After more than a year of care giving to her husband who fought cancer, she didn’t want to know if anything bad was going to happen to her too.
I pressed her to go. I mentioned all the positive reasons why she should go and get those tests out of the way.
Last week the wife let me know that a biopsy confirmed that now she too had cancer. I could tell that she was shell shocked and blindsided by the news. It was found in an early stage, which is the good news, but surgery and chemotherapy were most certainly in her future. The tables have now turned, and husband will now be the caregiver to his wife.
In my work I shouldn’t be surprised at this news but I really was. I hadn’t expected anything bad to come of her checkup because she had no indications. I was positive and insistent that she take the time for herself to have them done.
I shouldn’t have been so surprised but I was. I should have been glad that it was found early, but I wasn’t. I was just shocked at the news.
I was horrified that at my insistence, she went to the doctor and came back with a cancer diagnosis. I was horrified that my plea for her to go and reassurance that everything would be ok was wrong.
Intellectually I know it’s not my fault in anyway, but I can’t help but feel bad for them. It’s another journey into cancer.
I felt like my advice came back to bite everyone in the ass this time around.
I have to remind myself that my advice was still good. It IS important for caregivers to take care of themselves and that finding a cancer at stage 2 is a helluva lot better than stage 4.
Keep them in your prayers. I know I will everyday.
About
Author is a cancer patient advocate with a background in writing, marketing, and the legal field. She found her mission in supporting those affected by cancer after the loss of her father and many friends. Today she works as a consultant and patient advocate and also volunteers in several capacities for seveal organizations. She enjoys her loved ones and reading and blogging. She is an adult orphan, a chronic insomniac and self-professed technology freak, suffers slightly from OCD (self-diagnosed) and an overwhelming need to change the world around her.
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