Contemplating Dos and Don’ts of getting older
So my birthday was just a couple of weeks ago and I’m at the point in my life where I’m evaluating this age, my success, my career path and if I’ve been productive enough in my life so far.
The two things I’m most proud of in my life are my two kids. They are the greatest. The most important job I have in my life is to be a good sheppard and parent to them. And I have a saint for a husband that finds my interests and philanthropy and fleeting projects amusing…That said, this evaluation is about me. Just me.
Am I past the age of ripped jeans and trendy tops? Do I move on from a bikini to a tankini or one-piece swim suit? Do I stop listening to alternative music or dance to hip hop, tune down my ipod and trade it all in for jazzy classicals and comfortable shoes?
Is it time to stop the volunteer work and get a “real” job again and focus on building a retirement plan?
Should I be going to bed at 9 instead of staying up until 3am surfing the net and catching up on my DVR recordings and work from the previous day?
My body is definitely slowing down…but my mind races along. There isn’t enough time in the day to do everything I need to do let alone squeeze in the things I WANT to do…so I don’t sleep.
I want it all. But that’s just isn’t possible.
One theory that’s been presented to me is one that highlights my work and personal losses. I’ve lost both parents rather suddenly. I work in cancer support and advocacy and facilitate a cancer support group. There are people I care about dying every week. It’s very very hard emotionally.
So maybe I am living my life in fast-forward because I realize how short our time on earth really is?
It’s a double-edged sword. It’s great to appreciate everything and not take a moment for granted…but it’s exhausting trying to fill each moment with meaning, productivity, love and success….
What’s it mean to get older? How to balance what I have to do with what I want to do? And throwing in a bit of fun in the mix too….
Is it possible?
Crossroads or mid-life crisis?
Ever wondered what the difference is between being at a crossroads in your life and a mid-life crisis? Are they one in the same? That’s what I’m asking myself.
Recently I’ve caught myself thinking I’ve come to a crossroads in my career. Is this what I want to be doing for the rest of my life? How can I expand my work and move on to do greater things? Should I just do something new altogether? I’m restless and yearning for something more, something new and something more meaningful.
Is this a crossroads or is this a mid-life crisis?
I don’t think of myself as old or even older…not yet anyway. But scientifically mid-life is age 35! And if you go by my people’s lifeline, mid-life for me is about age 30. I’m there. This is my mid-life.
I’m not worried about getting older or looking older. I’m not worried about having a flashy car or the latest toys. I’ve been there and done that. What I do think about; however, is whether or not I’m making the most of my life. Life is short. Am I making my life count?
My parents both died in their sixties. My dad died a year before he was able to retire. He had a lot of plans. He was robbed.
My mother prematurely grieved over the loss of a husband. She spent 3 years doing that until she suddenly died of a stroke. She was robbed.
I was orphaned at 32. I was robbed. Life is short.
So have I come to a crossroads or am I having a mid-life crisis? Am I overly anxious to make an impact in my world because I know how short this life is or do I just not know what I want to do when I “grow up”?
It’s a tough call for sure.
I love what I do and I’m passionate about my work, but it isn’t enough. There’s something more waiting for me.
I’m restless and anxious and ready for whatever is supposed to be next. I just wish I knew what that was.
When your “friends” aren’t your friends…
Log onto Face book, Myspace or Twitter and eventually you’ll have a long list of “friends”. Some of them will be legitimate friends while others are long lost classmates or casual acquaintances, some or many are strangers who add you to their list to grow their constituency.
What do you do when you find out your “friends” are not your friends?
You log in at least once a day and read the status updates. You may be a conservative or a liberal and you find our your “friend” is your polar opposite. Perhaps you voted for Obama and your “friend” from 8th grade junior high is posting anti-Obama racist comments that leave you feeling outraged. What do you do?
Sure it’s great to re-connect with long lost friends, but oftentimes I’m left wondering where these people came from, had I really grown up in the same part of the country, gone to the same grade schools and collaborated and socialized with these people?
I find that alot of it has to do with intelligence and education level, but there are those who have more credits behind their name than mine, and they are quoting and touting a strict conservative line or a loose liberal view and it’s not a way of life, they are using social media to spread their gospel.
It leaves a bad taste in my mouth and a sour view of these people who are supposedly my “friends”. If they really knew me at all, they’d know that I’m a member of a conservative protestant church, but I vote democratic. They’d know that I believe in morality and family and the sanctity of marriage and that my family is biracial.
I’m as diverse as they come and I believe in equality and fairness and I simply don’t swallow the messages they are posting.
Those kind of folks aren’t friends.
The solution?
“UnFollow” and “Delete”
My Story (Voices of Survivors)
I was diagnosed with early stage cervical cancer at age 22. I think because the cancer was found so early and was removed, I didn’t think of myself as a survivor then. The doctors and nurses glossed it over, and aside from the follow up exams that I found annoying, I went about my life as usual. Nothing for me really changed.
When I was 29, my dad, who had never been sick a day in his life, got very ill. Even when the x-ray came back suspicious and a CT scan was ordered, we didn’t think much of it. If it was something serious, we’d just get “it” taken care of. Simple as that and just like me, he would be okay.
He was diagnosed with extensive stage small cell lung cancer. There was no warning, surgery wasn’t an option and chemotherapy and radiation would be palliative at best…BAM…just like that. He was given 4-6 months to live. Before that day, I never thought twice about lung cancer. It just wasn’t something that could happen to us.
What I didn’t know was that 80 percent of lung cancer is diagnosed in the late or extensive stage. There aren’t symptoms until the cancer has metastasized. There is no early detection test and the treatments at that time were the same five regimes from 30 years ago. I remember being devastated that the one year survival rate was less than 15 percent. There is also a huge stigma associated with lung cancer, as if those with it deserve it because they smoked. This isn’t true. First, no one deserves cancer and 60% of those diagnosed with lung cancer are long-time ex-smokers or NEVER SMOKERS. Today, non-smoking women under 40 are being diagnosed with lung cancer at an alarming rate. No one knows why. The causes could be from so many different things including genetics. If you breathe, you can get lung cancer.
So I began to fight. I was my father’s caregiver and advocate. I fought everyday beside him and became his biggest support. I made it a point to reinforce the fact that his type of cancer deserved support, recognition, awareness and better treatment options. There were no support groups or walks or runs or awareness efforts then. We felt like we were all alone.
Two months after my dad’s diagnosis I founded an organization called the Lung Cancer Support Community, an online support resource for anyone touched by a lung cancer diagnosis. Today we have over 6,000 members and received over four million independent visitors a month. My dad lived to see the start of LCSC. He passed away 11 months and 21 days after his diagnosis.
For almost seven years I’ve worked tirelessly supporting those with lung cancer, either online or at in-person support groups. I began to become more of an advocate beginning in 2006 thru the Lance Armstrong Foundation, Global Resource for Advancing Cancer Education and the Research Advocacy Network for all cancer types. I also run the first LC specific support group in Texas and the DFW Walk for LUNGevity.
I’m still the administrator and Director of the Lung Cancer Support Community, although now it is a service of the LUNGevity Foundation, the only organization dedicated to funding lung cancer research. We have support groups, walks, and events all across the country now.
I lost a part of myself when I lost my dad..and three years later my mom, but I realized…I AM a survivor and I continue to make his life, and that of so many others who I’ve lost to cancer, count for something….
By fighting for a cure.
Dude! Where’s my reply?
Ever have those days when you shoot out a dozen e-mails and no one replies back?
In my line of work 90% of everything I do is online and thru e-mail correspondence so when no one replies to me I feel like I’m being ignored. The stone cold shoulder, eyes rolling to the sky, snarly nostril OMG teenage malicious turn-your-back-and-ignore-you kind of feeling creeps all over me.
Was it something I said? Did I word the e-mail in such a way that I came off sounding rude or demanding or sarcastic? Did I over-step my authority? Are they TALKing about me? WHAT DID I DO? Why aren’t they replying to my e-mails??
Don’t know if it’s just me and my fragile self-esteem or if everyone feels this way but I start to panic and sweat alittle and wonder and worry if everything is ok until I get that reply.
Have I been sacked? Is there someone else they are interviewing at this precise moment to take over my job and THAT’S why they aren’t taking the time to answer my e-mail?
WHAT IS IT?
HELLO?
Someones got to reply and I don’t mean the viagra and cialis dudes who send me e-mails from Ubekistan.
Is my e-mail going straight to JUNK?
Dude! Where’s my reply?
Hello world!
Hello world! It’s a balmy spring day that started a bit too cold for my taste. Those days are days that take forever to get going…even with responsibilities nipping at my ankles I’m just dragging today. Good thing I work from home or I’d be sacked for sure. Welcome to my blog. I hope you’ll stay a bit and keep me company today.
Life is going at lightening-fast speed and there are days, like today, when I feel like I’ve missed the boat or been asleep for a few years…but how can that be when I’m so freaking tired all the time! HA!
It’s this age I think…The “after college-before retirement” time block that we motor thru…
Everything is so planned- school/career/spouse-ship/parenthood, etc..little phases of our lives that we concentrate extremely hard on and then before you know it we are in another phase and don’t even remember how we got there or where the time went!
I’ve been so busy making a niche for myself in my work that I turned around and 5 years have passed. Did I enjoy those five years? Really? I can mark that time by the bad things that happened- I lost both parents, there was a bad storm that damaged my place, etc…but what about the “good” things? Were there ANY good things? Or have I been like most “thorties” (thirties-to-forties) so hell bent on making each phase of life perfect that I forgot to enjoy any of it?
That auto-pilot mode of going thru life has got to stop. Life is moving so quickly and before I know it it will be gone and what is there to show? How many days of joy? How much real happiness will have marked my life at the end?
This is a journey to finding myself, my happiness and a life that belongs to ME again. This is my collection of thoughts, editorials and articles.
Walk with me…
About
Author is a cancer patient advocate with a background in writing, marketing, and the legal field. She found her mission in supporting those affected by cancer after the loss of her father and many friends. Today she works as a consultant and patient advocate and also volunteers in several capacities for seveal organizations. She enjoys her loved ones and reading and blogging. She is an adult orphan, a chronic insomniac and self-professed technology freak, suffers slightly from OCD (self-diagnosed) and an overwhelming need to change the world around her.
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